I've made some progress

I look back to where I was a tear ago. I was a miserable excuse for a human being. I leeched off of my ex-boyfriend. I didn't have a job. I didn't have any friends. I had no pride.

Now I have a job, I have good friends, I have a roof over my head, and I don't constantly have the thought of killing myself in the back of my head. I actually see a future for myself which I never did before.

I can't beat myself up for not being completely healed. I have to let go of some of my friends from the past. If they don't want to see me doing well for myself, that's their choice. And maybe someday down the road they'll want to reconnect. And it'll be my decision whether to let them back in.

I wrote a letter to one of the friends. I know he read my note, but couldn't respond or acknowledge it. That's his choice. I told him my doors would be open should he feel inclined. But in all honesty, I don't think it will be. He has his own issues with me that he won't talk about with me and I can't be friends with someone who can't be open with me about what I do to piss them off. I don't have the time or energy to pry that out of them.

So I'm letting go of the past. I'm friends with the one who damaged me the least. She's a good soul. We'll call her "Grace". She was a big sister to me and helped me through some crazy things. I feel bad because I felt like I neglected my friendship with her over Ludwig because he was upset with her. But now he's all chummy with her because he's such a two-faced prick. His only friends are our ex-roommate and a bunch of lesbians that aren't even of drinking age. HILARIOUS!!!!! I'll bet the last he had sex was that last time last October.