Do you have to let it linger?

Well, I'm pretty much figuring out how to deal with having an episode without going to the hospital. I know I can go if need be, but it's not a necessary thing at this point because I'm taking control of myself and my actions rather than letting my mind wander and leaving other people to make my decisions for me. I can be cognizant enough to call myself when I feel shit's really going down, but I'm dealing with it.

It's just weird how some things can have so many different meanings without even meaning to. The collective consciousness knows what's really going on, and that's what really matters. If we all just stopped a minute to really listen and think to the things around us, we'd be so much happier. I just see so much that scares me and misinterpret it and that's what drives me crazy.

I just can't think too hard and give into my fear too much. It's good to be aware, but the world is going to keep on spinning whether I want it to or not. I don't have the power to stop time. I can't read others' thoughts and they can't read mine. I misinterpret things to mean stuff totally different things than what they really are.

I'm letting go of the past slowly but surely. It's healthy to shed your skin and start somewhat fresh and move in a different direction than you expected. The adventure is a lot more fulfilling than the prediction. And I'm not the great all knowing Oz.

I really want to go into learning more about meditation and the collective consciousness... My heightened senses make me feel like I should know more about this. Kinda like Miracle Day on Torchwood. That really scares the shit out of me.... That I'll die repeatedly and still survive. But I guess that's what reincarnation is like. I'd just rather come back as something different with my slate wiped clean. But in some ways, I kinda just do that, just in the same wrapping paper.

I'm just gonna roll with the punches and stop abhorring change. I used to be one of the most adaptable people and I just froze because I was afraid I couldn't keep up. Which is exactly what kept me from keeping up. But I believe in the greater good. I never really stopped... I just lost my convictions about it. I stopped standing firm for what I believed in for myself. I let others think for me and do for me and laid back totally compliant and complacent.

I have my spirit back again. And it's so strong that when I first felt it, it scared the shit out of me. I just needed to brush and polish it and I see that it sparkles brighter than it ever did before. I really want to thank my friends for helping guide me along the way. For believing in me when I couldn't and keeping that space open so I could come back and believe in myself rather than lettiung me fall between the cracks. My support system is so much bigger than I ever thought it would be again. I thought I killed everything good in my life... Now I know better and I'm ready to carry on and be awesome along with the amazing people I call friends.