It's really uncanny how I can sniff bullshit from a mile away. It almost kinda creeps me out. But I sensed something was up. I consulted my usual resources and found out something interesting. Ludwig is seeing someone new. They started dating in the beginning of this month. Oddly enough, I'm actually kinda okay with this. It finally sets me free of any false pretense there would be a snowball's chance in Hell that things would figure themselves out between us. I didn't really think it would, but now I know for sure that it's over for realsies.
I know her name and what she looks like and their anniversary. Apparently she plays WOW. She supposedly moved here in 2009. That's all. She has the same style of glasses I do which is kinda weird. I'm still way cuter lol. She must be special if he's actually dating her. Her name is even cute. And she must have high security on her FB because I couldn't see all of this for myself, I was blocked. I had to rely on other sources for my info. But I know it's accurate.
It's just fucking weird to me. I had a feeling I was going to have some epic crazy news and sure enough, I got it. My intuition is insane sometimes. Just like I saw him at Wal-Mart, I knew this was going to happen... But knowing and being prepared are two different things. It's strange though... I was having a bad fit last Monday and that's the day they started dating. It ain't right how I'm still so in-tune with him still. In fact, I wasn't until recently and now I've been hitting the head on the nail now.
I'd be a hypocrite if I begrudged him. I once told him to seize the pussy when we broke up back in 2007. He finally listened lol. I've had sex with other guys since we broke up. I just hope this girl makes him happy. I will smack a bitch if I hear she hurts him. He deserves happiness after everything. So do I. I guess this is when I jump on the self-esteem bandwagon and maybe venture out into the dating scene for myself.
Even if I know its for the best, it doesn't make it hurt any less. But I'm not really angry or bitter. I'm a little sad, but when you give the better part of a decade of your life to someone it's hard to let go. But I need to stop clinging in vain. I think I might call my counselor in an hour and see if I can talk to her and find a good way to deal with it. This is one of those times I wish that EMDR stuff was already helping me cope. Damnit, i wish it was the 15th. I need one of my meds really badly right now. I just have to go on auto pilot and turn this insane energy into productivity.
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