Gimme Shelter

It's been almost a week. It's been kinda crazy. Let's start with Snickerdoodle/drinking/pizza night with my girlies. RM and MA and I got together with the intent of planning out my tattoos. Yeah, that totally didn't happen. We were so drunk by the time the pizza guy got there. RM put the pizza and the calamari on a chair. My retarded ass moves the box of calamari, but forget the pizza is sitting there. So I sit down and I was like, "Damn, that calamari must have been hot because my butt is really warm." Then it took us a second, but we realized my butt was so warm because I was sitting on the pizza... Yeah, it just kinda gets better.

I downed 3 Bacardi 151 jello shots. All I can remember is talking about Bronies (dudes who like My Little Pony: Friendship is magic). It all goes kinda blank after that. I was told I kept going to the closet because I thought that was the bathroom and apparently I was trying to use my jedi mind tricks to make a slice of pizza function as a phone to text on and when I was told what I was doing, I nonchalantly picked up my real phone as if i'd never used the pizza to communicate. Then I accidentally call my dad for a booty call because he has the same first name as my booty call. I hung up in time, no worries. The first cognizant encounter I had was confronting Giz (RM's skunk) in the room and all of his hair standing up. If he didn't have those glands removed, I would have been in big trouble. It was like something from The Hangover. If i woke up with a tattoo on my face, I wouldn't have been shocked at all

So that was Friday night. Saturday nigh, TK said I needed to make it up to him for standing him up the night before. He tried to get me to rent a hotel room, but I couldn't afford that. So I just thought we were going to go down the road in out usual spot, and then do our thing and part ways like usual. Well, he was a little late and I was starting to kinda worry and wonder if he was standing me up. Then he texted me and I went to him and got in the car ready for "the usual" and then he surprises me and tells me he got a room...

::sigh::

We did it every way possible (*except what-what... I'm not sure I'm ever letting anyone what-what again after stories I've heard) and it was fun. I wanted to cuddle with him, but I was too afraid. Afraid of rejection. Afraid of feeling for him. I've compartmentalized him in a separate part of my life, like my secret pleasure that I blog about and tell my closest girls about but it's not anything real. Cuddling would make it real. We've been going at it together for 8 months when I was convinced it would be a 3-stint gig. I've known relationships that last shorter than what we've been doing. And he kinda touched me while we were sleeping. He prolly didn't notice, but I tried my best to keep my distance.

I'm just finally healing and moving past the whole Mike thing. I've accepted he has moved on and has a girlfriend and I'm genuinely happy for him. I've stopped setting my schedule to where I take a lunch at a normal time rather than early in the shift and hoping I'll run into him. I feel better and people have noticed the change and are really glad I'm doing better than what I was.

Could I see a future with TK? Not so sure. Not completely doubtful. I'd like to get to know him better. I feel like I barely know him. All I know is he likes to game, he lives in OP, and he has a daughter. That's pretty much all I know.

Then I get sick Monday and Tuesday and then I come in yesterday and they basically tell me I'm on my last leg, and that if I don't improve, I'm no longer going to have a job. My boss outright asked me to give my resignantion. Happy fucking holidays.

So maybe I will successfully kill myself this season. Last year, it was me calling the ambulance for Mike because he overdid it on my Adderall and had a heart attack. Maybe that what I should do. I don't fucking care who I hurt or leave behind because I won't have to deal with it if I get it done successfully.