What a girl wants...

Remember that song? It's on my spotify. It reminds me of simpler times... Before this whole maturity thing happened. Not that I'm really mature by any means. I guess I should call it... ick... egads... adulthood. See, I still have this mentality that I'm like 19 and I don't have to worry about anything because I still live with my parents and I spend the majority of my paycheck either on medication or frivolous bullshit. Story of my life. Soft-core porn and high fives.

I had an adult moment the other day. My boss took me to his boss's office and basically laid out a performance improvement implementation. He literally asked me for my resignation. I was just in shock. But what did I do? I just repressed my emotions and went about my day. Keep calm and carry on as they say, right? They want me to be discreet about it, but I'm a shitty liar so when people asked me why I was taken to the head honcho's office, I couldn't really lie so I just pretty said we discussed my performance. I told a few people about my sup asking for my resignation. It's nice that I actually have friends at work now who give a shit and actually want me to stay. I'm really going to try harder. I finally have some better lists from some agents so those are the ones I'll place a focus on and try to get more IFR's in, too. I finally busted my bind cherry, so I feel like I can do what needs to be done. Today is make up for HO and PAP training. I hope we have the nice trainer. The other one seems to have a weird vibe towards me and I have no idea why. Maybe it's because I don't belong to the BB's. Heh... BB's.

But enough about that negativity. Tomorrow, I'm doing the walk for diabetes on the company team tomorrow. I actually won a 4 pack of VIP Jaguar tickets with a parking pass for raising over. I debated on bringing some friends, but I decided to bring my family. I figured it would be a nice outing. I just hope they behave... I'm only half-kidding.

I've found that I am starting to care about TK. We spent the night in a hotel Saturday night and we almost cuddled, but I was the one who was gunshy about it. Fucking is one thing. But cuddling is another. Cuddling is intimate. I actually made him say he'd cuddle with me when I said I'd sleep over at his place a few weeks ago. But I didn't actually think he'd go for it. It makes me wonder... But I'm not going to think too hard about it. If he calls again, so be it. If not, then it's for the best.

It would just never work between us. I'm too emotional and crazy for any man right now. Maybe after I've hit The Change and gotten rid of all the estrogen hormones in my body, then I'll be able to carry a semi-normal relationship. Right now I just want what's either too difficult to have if not impossible or things that really have no chance of really getting anywhere. But a girl can dream...