Piano Man

I've decided to start using my Pandora instead of Spotify. Pandora is a bit more diverse than Spotify and it just randomly streams rather than streaming from strictly just what I star. I feel kinda slightly psychotic at how glad I am that I can still listen to The Beatles station. I didn't have to delete it. I ruined The Beatles for Gingered Wonderfag. He doesn't have it as a station anymore from what I saw on Pandora. Hahahahahaha... But he's ruined Billy Joel for me. But I still listen to it as you can see from the title of this blog.

Yeah, I'm sick.

I need to really let him go. I have such a hard time with it. I have to accept that there will always be parts of me that will love him and parts of me that still despise him.

"Love is the AIDS of emotions..." I am the fucking poet lauriat.

I'm afraid to let go of my love/sadness over GW. Because if I let go of the memories, I have no veil to hide the fact that I'm lonely and alone. Sure, I get laid. But I'm lonelier now than I've ever been. Just me, my memories, my music and my blog.

It's effing pathetic. I'm gonna be like Jenny from Big Fish. Except not as awesome.

I keep trying to numb myself. The dude I'm kinda seeing... We're not a couple. yet we've been on and off for longer than most people are in some relationships. It's been about 9 1/2 months. I kinda accidentallly told his ex about us. I think she kinda knew though. But it's okay if I start caring about him. If he ever starts caring about me, that's when it has to end. I'm such an emotional sado-masochist. I can handle disappointment for and from myself. It's others that piss me off.

"I apologize to ears that are willing to listen. The rest can go fuck off..."

I stand by that and always will. Except for GW. I'll apologize to him until my throat goes dry. He may never listen. But I do believe "I'm sorry" are going to be the last words I utter before I die.

I harbor so much anger and sadness. I need to start letting it go.