Steady As She Goes

I really like listening to Pandora a lot more than Spotify. I forgot how much. It brings songs I forgot I liked or I know I've heard the't know the name or artist. Mmmmmm... I have my coffee and my computer. I'm such a nerd.

So I saw my "friend" last night. I really dunno how to label him. Or what I should call him. We've been seeing each other for almost a year. Well, 10 months. Off and on. We've never really been intimate. I just start spiralling off and babbling to the point I dunno what I've said to him until he says, "Yeah, you've already said that..." (lol) and I dunno. He's odd... prolly a lot more like me than I'd care to admit. He's sexy. I look back in hindsight and I'm trying not to make it into the big deal that I normally would. But I've noticed him for a few years now.

I just remember July 4th of 2011. How I was looking at the fireworks but I felt like someone was looking at me and I thought it might be him, but he had a girl at the time. Then he just kinda started pursuing me. Made me feel sexy when everyone else was busy hating me. But I didn't give in right away. I never usually do...

I dunno. I don't wanna screw up something that's perfectly fine where it is. But part of me likes to complicate things. And yeah... I don't think I would mind be complicated with him. But it's strange. I dunno. I'm starting to challenge things that I never thiought I'd challenge. Thinking thoughts that I'd never have given a second thought.

It's effed up how life throws you curveballs and you're still kinda ready for them. Like your mind goes along the warped twisted path that life takes you without a second thought about it. And it's perfectly fine disproving things you accepted as truth long ago. It's so strange.

I just need to stop reading into things that have nothing to do with anything and stop confusing myself with the what if's of the world.

I'm really not looking forward to Valentine's Day. Stabby. It's always gonna make me stabby until I do something awesome to counteract the awfulness.