Today was awesome. I totally did the most today than I've done any other day since I've started. I really like my job. Of course, I'll prolly bitching tomorrow. That's just how I roll. One DC actually gave me praise for helping him send out 2 deals. Then there's the one who I think just dreads when I get on the line. No worries though. You win some, you lose some.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. I think Ale House might be a payday ritual. And I'm renting a room Saturday night for my "friend". That will be fun. I need a night to just go wild and unwind. I dunno if he can handle it. I'm so uptight. I just keep it all in mostly. So I hope I can get some release. This blog is a step towards all of that. Plus my written journal, blue and all sparkly. All the really intimate stuff goes in that thing. Not that there's much to divulge. I totally almost doubled my transfers between 5-8. I had 9 regular when they turned the board off and I asked CON what I had by the end of the day and it was 18, 17 of them real.
It's nice to take pride in myself and not feel like a miserable failure. I didn't really start to feel good about myself until this past two weeks. But I feel fucking fantastic. I don't have the time to think about past failure. I just have to focus on being and doing the best I can. The rest just falls into place. I'm gonna hit standard goal this week, if not get the commission goal. I got this. I hope.
I just need to keep myself as busy as I possibly can. And keep striving to do my best. And start saving up to GTFO of my parents' place. Couch surfing for a year and a half almost... really 2 years if you count my attempt to move back in in 2011.
I miss GWF. But I gotta let it go. I just don't have the closure I want in that situation. And I have to accept that I may never get it. I don't really deserve it. As much as he fucked up, I was worse. I'm not going to sit in denial of that. Maybe if I hadn't kept up with The Narwhal, I'd have more reason to be upset. But now, both of them are out of my life. And I'm a happier and better woman for it. Maybe a slight bit bitter about some of it. But it's my own doing really.
Lord, I'm gonna go lay down and read more of my book.
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