I know, I'm posting one more time before the night is through. But it's kinda happy giddy news. I basically had 3 guys express interest in me today and another guy paid me some attention, but not sexually. It's nice to have that many men try to hit on me. I don't always have the highest self-esteem.
One guy is more of an acquaintance. He's amongst the first guy I started talking to and flirting with after Ludwig and I initially split. He's cute, a little younger than I am... But he noticed that I had defriended him and refriended me. We did the obligatory chit-chat. Then he asked me if I remembered his proposition to have some no strings attached sex. I told him that I rememebered and that I wouldn't oppose the idea and so I have that as a possibility.
Ome was Manhattan, but I think I scared him with the full extent of crazy I am. But he's 1000 miles away.
The most important one is "Railroad". I've known him for over 20 years. He was the first boy I ever kissed. We have been consistently talking for the most part for the past 2 years. We meet up for coffee once a month usually and kinda flirt with flirting, but never quite directly flirt with each other. But I kinda basically offered him sex and he didn't really say no. In fact, he kinda encouraged the ide, but kinda coyly. I'd have to be really careful with him because he has a bad back.
All the other guys are filler. Railroad is someone I'd consider getting out of my promise to myself about not getting involved with anyone before I'm 32. But I don't want to pressure him into anything he isn't ready for. He had a similar situation where he was dating someone for about the same anount of time I dated Ludwig, so I completely understand if he's reluctant, too. But maybe we can at least have some fun.
::sigh:: I've loved Railroad for 17 years. It would be kinda sweet and poetic to end up with the first boy you ever kissed and had those adult feeling when you're a teenager, He's intelligent, pragmatic, sarcastic, and has the most killer dimples I've ever seen. I was smitten at the age of 11 and to be honest, I always harbored a little piece in my heart for him sice I met him. ahe has a good soul. He's not perfect, but no one is. But for all I know, he might forget the conversation even happened.
I act like Ludwig was my first love, but in all honesty, I think I had the beginnings of love in my heart for Railroad since I was 11 or 12 years old. I just dismissed it as a little girl's fancy. But a tribute that says something different. would be that we're still in each others' lives and have been, albeit off and on, for over 20 years. I find that I look forward to seeing him more than I do anyone else. With Railroad, it comes natural. Sometimes I kinda had to fake and puy up a front for Ludwig because I know that was what he wanted,-I don't feel forced or fake with Railroad.
He's made it fairly clear that he likes me, too. But sometimes I'm so naive and doubtful that I'm too busy worrying about what's wrong and I don't see the subtle flirting he picj3e We'll see where this goes. He seems to be almost interested in seeing where this goes. I just can't handle another broken heart. But if I do, I'm sure my writing will be better though lol
Signing off until after IO wake up.
Live everyday as your last and one day you'll be right... No regrets.
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