I've decided that I'm gonna give into my indulgences this last week of 2012. Not that I really believe in New Years' Resolutions, but after this past 2 months, I've realized that I have to implement the tools and gifts that have been revealed with my life experiences.
The biological clock has started ticking. I never wanted children with Mike. We were both too immature with each other for me to think any further than my addictions with him. He didn't inspire me to want anything more than to numb myself after 2005 happened. I knew it when he proposed. But I kept a good lie going for a few years after. Maybe not such a good lie considering how things ended up...
But I love kids. It makes me realize that I want to contribute a piece to society while also helping give someone a better life. I can't have children biologically. But if I found a partner that would be willing to face the challenge of raising life with me together, I think that would really be fulfilling. I'd even settle for being a step-mom. Maybe it's the meds talking. But that's what I want, I think. No. I know.
So I've decided that I'm going to stop disrespecting myself and only get involved with men who are serious about commitment. I had FB going, but that's not really fun anymore. It feels more like another reluctant chore. I'm almost 30. I want a better quality of life. And I think I'd be a good mother if given the chance. If it's meant to happen, it will.
I'm about to go to Midnight Mass. It's been so long since I've been to church. Let's just hope the foundation doesn't crumble ;)
I feel more in touch with my spirituality than I have in a long time. Merry Christmas to all. I love you <3 p="p">
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