Gah. I'm in such turmoil, but what's new? It's progressive positive turmoil though. Last night I totally bared it all to my shrink. It was good though. It needed to happen. We addressed some of the stuff I needed to address. Well, we uncovered most of the stuff.
I'm a control freak and so afraid of surrendering. But it feels so good to release sometimes. It's been so long since I had physical release. The mental release was good. And releasing it in a healthy way is even better. It's awesome.
Ahhhh... Geek out moment. I have a crush on someone. It's innocent enough though. I don't plan on pursuing it too much further. But it's nice. Like the movie Secretary, but no red pen. Ha, if I revealed more, it would ruin it. But yeah... It's nice to be comfortable and secure. It's so foreign that happiness and even its precursors make me nervous.
Sigh. Yeah. I know i'm doing most of the right things because I don't feel as disappointed when I don't live up to my expectations of perfection. I still accept that i'm awesome. Well, i'm starting to accept it. Because I still need to be humble. I'm not going to burn myself out. I feel in tune with the universe for the first time maybe ever.
My future isn't as bleak as I once thought. Woot woot!!! I don't feel like I need to fade away. I can shine on brightly. Like how the song that is most associated with me... Shine On You Crazy Diamond! :D
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