Okay. Now that I'm less peeved about the Ocean situation (I confronted her and said what I needed to say, no drama but not repressing my feelings either), I can recount my weekend in detail.
Friday night I went to see a co-worker play in one of his bands. We'll call him Dapper. He's a cool guy. One of the TL's. I think he has a small crush on me, but it's innocent enough. Casual flirtation is fun. He plays the drums and quite well. I was impressed and enjoyed the show. It was at Burro Bar. I'd never been there. Tried Purple Haze (a beer, not the plant). Saw other co-workers. I'm not in the loop with them other than smoke breaks. Honestly, I dunno if half of them even know my name. But I'm still new, so I'm not offended. Ryb and her dude let me tag along with them. It was good times. Saw my "friend" after. Perfect timing.
Went to the Celtic Fest Saturday. Scored $40 VIP passes for $10 bucks on the first day which gave us good bathrooms and a free second day. Just missed out on the free shirts and tokens, but that's okay. Bought a lot of shiny things and a new purse and a dress that will be perfect for St. Paddy's. Murphy came along with me and Dad and Dad let us go do our thing. Perfect timing. I only had a cider and a shot of whiskey and was cool with that. I had a pretty sparkly green shamrock wreath in my hair and looked ridiculously cute in my little plaid skirt. Got free beads without showing my boobs. Good times.
Sunday, we went to the Festival again with Murphy's mom. That was fun, too. I didn't spend the insane amount of money I did on Saturday. Bought another dress. Got a pimp fedora and wrapped my shamrock glittery green wreath around the crown. Haggled a flower wreath for $10 instead of $12. Got Irn-bru both days. Cream soda. From Scotland. Their commercials on YouTube are hilarious. Got some sparkly stuff to pin my hair to the side with my new mature side part look I've been sporting these days. Didn't have a single alcoholic drink Sunday.
But yeah, I had a fun weekend. And then after my last post, I said what I needed to say to Ocean. That basically I'm sick of just being her go-to when no one else will listen to her nonsense. She's gaining her independence by doing the same things she's done in every other city... Drugs, boys, and stupid Song Pop. Real way to expand your mind. But when I have a silly crush (and not on the person she thinks I'm still holding onto from years ago), she just shoots it down and tells me to live in reality. I do more now than she ever has in her whole life. If she wants to get by living off of drugs, that's her prerogative. I've expanded my mind plenty... with lots of hot air. And now with that vast amount of space I have in my mind from the prior expansion I've already done, I'm trying to replace all those burned synapses with feelings and accomplishments and knowledge. But all she can focus on is insignificant bullshit. I told her that maybe we should maintain our space from each other until she can be a positive person in my life. If that's even possible. I still hold onto hope for her. But we all know I'm an optimistic idiot. I just need space from her and her passive aggressive manipulation. Because I can feel her dragging me down that path with her and that's a cycle I'm steering away from.
My goal this year is to break some of the old patterns that have stagnated my progress. And I've been doing well. I stick to my commitments. I'm budgeting better. I'm going out and being social and opening up to people again. I thought I was doing well last year, but they were the pre-cursors I think. The baby steps that are leading to strides of success. My life is going in the right direction. I just need to keep the momentum and not be afraid of success and not be afraid to let go of my fear. Face things head on and keep trucking until I get to the place I need to be. And then maintain my happiness. Upkeep. Don't get so comfortable that I stop putting my effort forth. And always do the best I can within my abilities... maybe even strive for better. No perfection is expected. Just sustenance. And I can do it!
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